Reflect

Didn't think of a way to name this entry, guess that reflection would be fine and someone just gave me this idea. There was tons of things in my mind when i was in the shower just now, basically could be because i have not been using it for quite some time, causing this sort of trauma.

If someone had noticed, i've been stoneing and when asked what am i thinking, i can't even say a word. My thoughts haven't been organised. However, i could feel that it's a sense of depression and anxiety that i might not be able to contain. First part contributing to this probably would be laziness. I can't get out of my comfort zone, being stuck there at the corner, refusing to budge. At least i know this point about myself, there's so much things i need to do but i haven't set my mind on them yet, and could only put them in my mouth and that's it. And all these are just because of me, unwilling to deal with them yet..

1. I need to get rid of the previous phone number. To my horror, that line hasn't been cancelled yet and it's not under my name. My handphone has never been under my own name.. Can't wait to change to Singtel, another like 1.25 years to go.. Back to the topic. I need to pass this bill to the person and ask him/her to cancel the line. Also, i need to develop the photos i've taken in HK/TP and pass the negatives/CDrom over with the currencies and 2 waterbottles. Been thinking about this everyday.

2. My wardrobe, need to be rearranged and those that need to be removed ought to be given away. Cant stand the sight of it now. That includes ironing and pressing all my clothes and i'm starting work next week and schooling in weeks, all the more it has to be neat to prepare myself.

3. Plan my work. Although school hasn't started, nothing much has been done, i have been under much pressure, basically because i am expecting alot from myself, something like dementors do, make you feel you can never be happy again once you think of it. Need to bid for courses, then independent learning, must be able to socialise and make connections, managing time and resources and to be a great teacher in years to come. Where the heck did this burden come from? Beats me. Need to plan my timetable and modules list too. And USP and SPS... dotx.. Just don't wish to miss out anything in these precious studies years.

4. My dear. Constant fear of mine. That this happiness is part of me, that this person will be someone to support me and push me when i'm weary, someone who respects me and consume all my nonsensical actions and words. Afraid that this bubble might burst. Sounds stupid but it is just that this blissfulness set in so quickly that i wonder if it would just go away as quick. Trust me, i have faith in this relationship, just that little lacking in security. So someone can feel that i need hugs more recently right? Love You.

5. Emptiness.. I feel weak because i don't feel that i've accomplished much and there isn't much that i can be proud of myself. Probably it's just a mist, that i can walk out of it when school starts.

This should be it, maybe i need to exercise more and manage my finance and thats all.
When life is tough, the tough goes shopping~!
My glass is fixed and it's going to be half full and since it's half full, why not fill it to the brim?