Dear Father,
I've been bad, I tried to go against your will, breaking people' hearts and running away from responsibilites. But I wish You will forgive me, for the things that I do. I trust in your will and your strength. Please continue to guide me thru the valley of darkness and help me make the best choice. Most of all, help me find my identity, and know myself more, for i do not know what I want, and the ways of communication. So Father, I love you and I thank you, In Jesus name i pray, Amen.
Prodigal Son
Thursday, April 26, 2007
1 Liter of Tears
'Before I give up on anything in life, I should at least cry 1 liter of tears' Aya, 16
'Stop the time! I shouldn't cry anymore. Life is limited, Time has no limits. I shouldn't spend too much time thinking about useless things' Aya, 16
'As i was looking out the window, i saw the beautiful rainbow hiding in the clouds. He said," Such a bliss, that you can sit on a wheelchair to move around." I wished to hammer him hard on the head. Wanted to tell him being able to walk with both legs is the real bliss, but i just refuse to destroy the beautiful rainbow outside." Aya, 16
I've never cried a liter of tears for something that i give up.. I just give up... Such a coward isn't it? Should find the courage to get it back? What if i Fail? Should i try again? Until when then? It's not easy to give up or to pick up from where it ended. But somehow, Aya had that determination to do things with a smile, no matter how hard it may be for her.
'Stop the time! I shouldn't cry anymore. Life is limited, Time has no limits. I shouldn't spend too much time thinking about useless things' Aya, 16
'As i was looking out the window, i saw the beautiful rainbow hiding in the clouds. He said," Such a bliss, that you can sit on a wheelchair to move around." I wished to hammer him hard on the head. Wanted to tell him being able to walk with both legs is the real bliss, but i just refuse to destroy the beautiful rainbow outside." Aya, 16
I've never cried a liter of tears for something that i give up.. I just give up... Such a coward isn't it? Should find the courage to get it back? What if i Fail? Should i try again? Until when then? It's not easy to give up or to pick up from where it ended. But somehow, Aya had that determination to do things with a smile, no matter how hard it may be for her.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Treasure
'Where your treasure be, there your heart will be also.'
I still remember this verse from the bible. I strongly believe in this, there where I put in my heart and soul, definitely there will be a good change. First, i put my efforts in my studies, and I got results that I was proud of. Then I spent time doing lots of things in my work, and the feedbacks and satsifaction were enough to last me through.. And now where am I heading?
I still remember this verse from the bible. I strongly believe in this, there where I put in my heart and soul, definitely there will be a good change. First, i put my efforts in my studies, and I got results that I was proud of. Then I spent time doing lots of things in my work, and the feedbacks and satsifaction were enough to last me through.. And now where am I heading?
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sidetrack
I was on my way home when I saw my 3rd Uncle and my cousin. He has aged a lot, looking older than my dad already. How can people age so fast? Come to think of it, time waits for no one and will secretly laugh at us wasting our own time when we have so much of it. What do we want to accomplish? What do we want in our life? What do we want to change? What are our desires and needs? There's so many of them for a man can never be contented with where he is.
A lot of times we are restricted by rules and regulations, or sometimes we call it the standards to meet. Who says that scholarships can only be given to people with better academic results? What matters is the heart and passion for what they do. By right, we should be able to do things the way we want, lead our lives with no restrictions. But in this pathetic world, some things never change. Time waits for no one, I better complete what I want while I can, life is fragile, anything can happen, anything can go.. Think: What are you going to do tomorrow?
A lot of times we are restricted by rules and regulations, or sometimes we call it the standards to meet. Who says that scholarships can only be given to people with better academic results? What matters is the heart and passion for what they do. By right, we should be able to do things the way we want, lead our lives with no restrictions. But in this pathetic world, some things never change. Time waits for no one, I better complete what I want while I can, life is fragile, anything can happen, anything can go.. Think: What are you going to do tomorrow?
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Found Guilty
I feel bad to leave people hanging halfway without a reply. But I've already done that to 3 people. Maybe I'm starting to like this way of singlehood, or maybe I'm waiting for one true person to sweep me off my feet. I don't know how to deal with the people hanging there, is there a way that we can just be friends so that you can get off my back? Will there be a win-win situation rather than getting misunderstood or something bad happen? I love you, my friends.
The Essay that got me the Interview
Topic: What are some of the values and beliefs that you hold strongly to? Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions. (500-word limit)
Imagine a farmer working in the rice field on a hot sunny day. It is the weekend yet it’s like any other weekdays, just work and nothing else. Day after day, rain or shine, the farmer and his cow ploughed the field, whether they are enduring the extremely hot weather or braving the strong cold wind It is through the hardship and determination that the rice plants are fully grown, from a small tiny seed to a healthy seedling, then to a strong sturdy rice plant, and finally harvesting good quality rice grains. Otherwise, if the farmer is lazy and unwilling to work in the unpredictable weather, we would not be able to enjoy such simple yet precious food.
One of the things I believe in is what I reap is what I sow. When I find passion in something I am doing, that I have a vision of how to make it work out and the confidence that it can be accomplished, I would set my mind, heart and soul into the labour. Through challenges, not only that I get strengthened in the process, I gain rewarding and precious experiences too. Hence, I am determined and enthusiastic about what I do, no matter how people think. For instance, I started to bake on my own at the age of 14. I received a number of bad comments from my friends but I did not give up. I continued to bake, improving each time from listening to comments and advice. Now, I have come up with my own secret recipes for delicious chocolate chip cookies.
I also believe in being responsible to myself and to others. That is being available and accountable. Just like the farmer, who continued to work, in spite of the drastic weathers, sacrificing rest time to nurture the seedlings into healthy rice plants – that is responsibility, doing things without hesitations or complains and knowing his or her rightful role and part to play. An example would be the fun and enriching teaching experience in Woodgrove Primary School. Although I was employed only as a relief teacher, receiving pay on a daily basis, I worked longer than the required hours most of the time. I go to school early and even bring work home; so as to make sure that everything is going according to plan and that the students are taken care of in all aspects. I knew that I have to do all that.
Finally, I believe in being optimistic and always looking at things from a different view. I feel hopeful about the matters that I handle, that a stumbling block can become a stepping stone. In this way, problems that are impossible to solve can be engaged in another way. A failure only brings me closer to success as a winner is someone who never quit, not someone who never fails.
----
Now that I've gotten the TA, I need to practice what I preach, no matter how bad conditions are, I will work hard, because this is where I belong in.
Imagine a farmer working in the rice field on a hot sunny day. It is the weekend yet it’s like any other weekdays, just work and nothing else. Day after day, rain or shine, the farmer and his cow ploughed the field, whether they are enduring the extremely hot weather or braving the strong cold wind It is through the hardship and determination that the rice plants are fully grown, from a small tiny seed to a healthy seedling, then to a strong sturdy rice plant, and finally harvesting good quality rice grains. Otherwise, if the farmer is lazy and unwilling to work in the unpredictable weather, we would not be able to enjoy such simple yet precious food.
One of the things I believe in is what I reap is what I sow. When I find passion in something I am doing, that I have a vision of how to make it work out and the confidence that it can be accomplished, I would set my mind, heart and soul into the labour. Through challenges, not only that I get strengthened in the process, I gain rewarding and precious experiences too. Hence, I am determined and enthusiastic about what I do, no matter how people think. For instance, I started to bake on my own at the age of 14. I received a number of bad comments from my friends but I did not give up. I continued to bake, improving each time from listening to comments and advice. Now, I have come up with my own secret recipes for delicious chocolate chip cookies.
I also believe in being responsible to myself and to others. That is being available and accountable. Just like the farmer, who continued to work, in spite of the drastic weathers, sacrificing rest time to nurture the seedlings into healthy rice plants – that is responsibility, doing things without hesitations or complains and knowing his or her rightful role and part to play. An example would be the fun and enriching teaching experience in Woodgrove Primary School. Although I was employed only as a relief teacher, receiving pay on a daily basis, I worked longer than the required hours most of the time. I go to school early and even bring work home; so as to make sure that everything is going according to plan and that the students are taken care of in all aspects. I knew that I have to do all that.
Finally, I believe in being optimistic and always looking at things from a different view. I feel hopeful about the matters that I handle, that a stumbling block can become a stepping stone. In this way, problems that are impossible to solve can be engaged in another way. A failure only brings me closer to success as a winner is someone who never quit, not someone who never fails.
----
Now that I've gotten the TA, I need to practice what I preach, no matter how bad conditions are, I will work hard, because this is where I belong in.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
10 People/Things who impacted my life
#05 - Mark & Sec Sch Friends
We started as enemies. I sat behind him and he is always talking and quite plump at that time. Would always ask him to shut his trap and keep quiet. After a while, heard about him and his fractured arm, and was at home for like 1month. Out of pity, I decided to ask him about his arm and make peace with him and that was how the friendship started. We live near each other and so we would meet up and go school together and go home together with Junhao. Most of the time, especially Fridays which is Friesday, we will enjoy our favorite cheese fries at KFC or student Pizza meal at Pizza Hut. We both like a girl from the class, both kanna rejected lar. Funny lor.. We are quite the same, don't really like people to read us like a book and so we would not say much, for me i would talk crap, he doesn't even talk crap. He is quiet in front of people while when we are alone, he talked lots of crap. So when people think he is quiet and reserved, i'll be like since when?! When we talked weird stuff, he even moaned a few times to let me listen. Haa.. wonderful memories with Secondary friends, wished it would last longer. especially 4E2 was such a nice group of people to hang out with. I truly think that the good looking and kind hearted people all came from this class.. Really wish this buddy well, that since he has found who he loves, take good care of this da sao and never let her down. She is a good person I know. Haa.. =]
#04 - Sally & Grandma
Thanks to both of them for showering me with love, that I grow up knowing that there's always family to fall back on to share my burdens and miseries. There's always family to celebrate and share my joys. Can remember I received my first MP3 player when I was 18 from my aunt, so that I can use when I'm in camp. It really accompanied me for quite some time until it was spoilt. I still have it with me. I merely mentioned that I'm going to buy it soon, and I got it as a present. All the times when we go out together, both of them will be eager to pay for the expenses. They just keep giving and giving. Will worry and think for you but will not interfere too much. Since Primary School, I always hang out with Sally and my cousins, we get to go for good meals, great fun and entertainment. Although we are all grown up, we have learnt to be filial and respectful. That is why we are turned out well and becoming really nice people, hee.. Thanks for the unconditional love. I will visit more and take care of you all.
#03 - Jac
Find it weird to place her here, because I don't love her or wad. Just that this person has been very nice and sensitive to my needs. Sometimes she tried too hard and too much to read me and know me, making me uncomfortable and pretty much close up my emotions and feelings. I have to protect myself. And now I have to try and open up because although I can blog and write well, I cant express my views, opinions and feelings with words, and people might think that I'm zombified. Sometimes I cared too much. I care for her, and I really do. Just that I just want this to work as a good friend thing, not something that is about love. Her persistence sometimes drives me nuts and I just want to runaway. She is someone I feared for a long time, cant seem to get rid of her using the harsh way or soft way. She is loyal and ever giving. I don't really want her to change so much for me, because it's not worth it. I'm nobody. But somehow, she manages to know me quite well, but not the true me.. [no one really know the true me, not even myself]. More than a fairy god-mother, will think that she is a protective angel, that always set for me a safety net to hold me. She worries about me more than myself and thinks a lot about me more than myself. Really do hope she can cut some slacks, that she can think more about herself, than to spend too much time and effort on me, because it may seems like a bottomless pit. But still, i like this person as a good friend, i deny stuffs because i don't want her to know that I will miss her or what, causing more wrong thoughts.. Thanks.. thats' all I can ever say. I'm always the receiving end, but I hope you find your true happiness and fulfillment from life.
#02 - Bernard
Seems like this will be a scar on my heart for long time and a crack in my glass forever. Could never love this person more already. He has helped me to open up, making me talk and talk, but it wasn't really working lar, since what I can talk about this only my passion for teaching, that was developed when I was teaching in Woodgrove. But i do think that I've become more expressive and stuff. By nature, I'm practical, calculative and thrifty. When I'm with him, I think I gave what I can to exchange for happiness and blissfulness because I thought I have found the right person to spend my life with. I've never been that willing to do things for someone. Other than the end that happened in March, I guessed i've never been so happy in my entire 20 years of life. Thanks my dear, although we can no longer be that close already. But just want to say that the greatest thing I know from him is neverchanging friendship. When i'm with his Secondary friends, I wished they were mine, a nice group to mix with, when I thought that most/all friends are just passerbys that there's no true friendship that can really last, especially from Secondary school. I really envy him for that, for having such wonderful friends who can accept who he is and appreciate one another. I grow to treasure friendship more and more. I also found out more about myself, what I really want in my life, and the type of person I want for myself. Hope he has already found his happiness, and living well alright. =]
#01 - Dad and his kidney problem
Nothing has ever affected me this much. First time i see my father, who is always known to be strong and healthy, to be so vulnerable and weak on the sick bed. I got quite a shocked when my uncle fetched me after school to visit my dad. At that time, they thought he could not make it le. A normal kidney failure patient would have 800+ toxin in his blood, my dad is 3 times that, enough to kill and take him away. Thank god he is still around, but guess life would never be the same again. That was the day medicine and dialysis entered his life. This is an expensive illness, that requires money to sustain his life. When I reached his sick bed, the first thing he asked was if I've eaten. I was so touched but I din really cry. What i know is my father love me so much. He is so responsible, working so hard when i was born just to earn more money for this family. And now this is what he get, how unfair i thought. That was also the first incident I hugged my mum so hard and cried so hard together. Cant forget that day ever. From that day, I 'kai qiao' le. Studies is my own way to make my parents proud of me and that is why i became more hardworking and diligent since then, and helped me thru my O levels and my A levels. Especially when i heard that my results have some links to the amt of subsidies we get from NKF. I've become more matured and practical since then. Must continue to work hard in Uni to make my family proud of me. I will!
We started as enemies. I sat behind him and he is always talking and quite plump at that time. Would always ask him to shut his trap and keep quiet. After a while, heard about him and his fractured arm, and was at home for like 1month. Out of pity, I decided to ask him about his arm and make peace with him and that was how the friendship started. We live near each other and so we would meet up and go school together and go home together with Junhao. Most of the time, especially Fridays which is Friesday, we will enjoy our favorite cheese fries at KFC or student Pizza meal at Pizza Hut. We both like a girl from the class, both kanna rejected lar. Funny lor.. We are quite the same, don't really like people to read us like a book and so we would not say much, for me i would talk crap, he doesn't even talk crap. He is quiet in front of people while when we are alone, he talked lots of crap. So when people think he is quiet and reserved, i'll be like since when?! When we talked weird stuff, he even moaned a few times to let me listen. Haa.. wonderful memories with Secondary friends, wished it would last longer. especially 4E2 was such a nice group of people to hang out with. I truly think that the good looking and kind hearted people all came from this class.. Really wish this buddy well, that since he has found who he loves, take good care of this da sao and never let her down. She is a good person I know. Haa.. =]
#04 - Sally & Grandma
Thanks to both of them for showering me with love, that I grow up knowing that there's always family to fall back on to share my burdens and miseries. There's always family to celebrate and share my joys. Can remember I received my first MP3 player when I was 18 from my aunt, so that I can use when I'm in camp. It really accompanied me for quite some time until it was spoilt. I still have it with me. I merely mentioned that I'm going to buy it soon, and I got it as a present. All the times when we go out together, both of them will be eager to pay for the expenses. They just keep giving and giving. Will worry and think for you but will not interfere too much. Since Primary School, I always hang out with Sally and my cousins, we get to go for good meals, great fun and entertainment. Although we are all grown up, we have learnt to be filial and respectful. That is why we are turned out well and becoming really nice people, hee.. Thanks for the unconditional love. I will visit more and take care of you all.
#03 - Jac
Find it weird to place her here, because I don't love her or wad. Just that this person has been very nice and sensitive to my needs. Sometimes she tried too hard and too much to read me and know me, making me uncomfortable and pretty much close up my emotions and feelings. I have to protect myself. And now I have to try and open up because although I can blog and write well, I cant express my views, opinions and feelings with words, and people might think that I'm zombified. Sometimes I cared too much. I care for her, and I really do. Just that I just want this to work as a good friend thing, not something that is about love. Her persistence sometimes drives me nuts and I just want to runaway. She is someone I feared for a long time, cant seem to get rid of her using the harsh way or soft way. She is loyal and ever giving. I don't really want her to change so much for me, because it's not worth it. I'm nobody. But somehow, she manages to know me quite well, but not the true me.. [no one really know the true me, not even myself]. More than a fairy god-mother, will think that she is a protective angel, that always set for me a safety net to hold me. She worries about me more than myself and thinks a lot about me more than myself. Really do hope she can cut some slacks, that she can think more about herself, than to spend too much time and effort on me, because it may seems like a bottomless pit. But still, i like this person as a good friend, i deny stuffs because i don't want her to know that I will miss her or what, causing more wrong thoughts.. Thanks.. thats' all I can ever say. I'm always the receiving end, but I hope you find your true happiness and fulfillment from life.
#02 - Bernard
Seems like this will be a scar on my heart for long time and a crack in my glass forever. Could never love this person more already. He has helped me to open up, making me talk and talk, but it wasn't really working lar, since what I can talk about this only my passion for teaching, that was developed when I was teaching in Woodgrove. But i do think that I've become more expressive and stuff. By nature, I'm practical, calculative and thrifty. When I'm with him, I think I gave what I can to exchange for happiness and blissfulness because I thought I have found the right person to spend my life with. I've never been that willing to do things for someone. Other than the end that happened in March, I guessed i've never been so happy in my entire 20 years of life. Thanks my dear, although we can no longer be that close already. But just want to say that the greatest thing I know from him is neverchanging friendship. When i'm with his Secondary friends, I wished they were mine, a nice group to mix with, when I thought that most/all friends are just passerbys that there's no true friendship that can really last, especially from Secondary school. I really envy him for that, for having such wonderful friends who can accept who he is and appreciate one another. I grow to treasure friendship more and more. I also found out more about myself, what I really want in my life, and the type of person I want for myself. Hope he has already found his happiness, and living well alright. =]
#01 - Dad and his kidney problem
Nothing has ever affected me this much. First time i see my father, who is always known to be strong and healthy, to be so vulnerable and weak on the sick bed. I got quite a shocked when my uncle fetched me after school to visit my dad. At that time, they thought he could not make it le. A normal kidney failure patient would have 800+ toxin in his blood, my dad is 3 times that, enough to kill and take him away. Thank god he is still around, but guess life would never be the same again. That was the day medicine and dialysis entered his life. This is an expensive illness, that requires money to sustain his life. When I reached his sick bed, the first thing he asked was if I've eaten. I was so touched but I din really cry. What i know is my father love me so much. He is so responsible, working so hard when i was born just to earn more money for this family. And now this is what he get, how unfair i thought. That was also the first incident I hugged my mum so hard and cried so hard together. Cant forget that day ever. From that day, I 'kai qiao' le. Studies is my own way to make my parents proud of me and that is why i became more hardworking and diligent since then, and helped me thru my O levels and my A levels. Especially when i heard that my results have some links to the amt of subsidies we get from NKF. I've become more matured and practical since then. Must continue to work hard in Uni to make my family proud of me. I will!
10 People/Things who impacted my life
Giving a tribute to people/things who/which impacted my life a lot and make changes to me, to who I am today and in the future.
#10 - CK Hong
Cant believe that this person is on the list. Traumatic 2 long years in army, I was accompanied by JN Puay, ZE Tan, YM Tan and JS Yeung whom I felt comfortable with throughout NS life. I would even call them long-term friends, to infinity and beyond if they are willing.. But this special one, I must make him my lifetime friend. Good thing i do not have any exterior sexual motive on him and totally uninterested in him, that I'm sure i will not fall for him at all. He brings laughter and drama into my life eversince i know him. He thinks fast, make decisions swiftly, is efficient and takes initiative. Other than that, he is my confidant and good friend. To him, most probably I'm someone who he can make use of to pass time when he is travelling or when he is bored. Somemore he is demanding and always have a motive for what he does but lesser than YK Khoo =P However, i am glad to fill in his empty spaces to accompany him through as a great companion and trustworthy friend. That faithful night, he managed to make me open up to accept who I truly is. If not.. I cant even think of if not..
#09 - Annie & CHC
Ya true, this is it. Although i stopped going for services and CGMs for quite some times, I still think about them, about her and about God. I still trust God in the things that He does and believe in what He can do. Anything is possible with God. Going to church was another place where I get to know more people like Xiao Mei, Ray, Leo and many others who are kind and friendly, people who I can relate to and feel comfortable talking to. But because CHC is strongly against who I am, I decided to back off a while, despite for what I feel about the people I know, the word of God and stuffs. Big sacrifice i Know. Living a triple life isn't easy, no one can know that more than me. However, it is CHC that helped me to learn more about God, things we can do to cope with problems, things we can do show our love and compassion with people around us, helping me, the emotionless one, to feel a bit more warmth. And Annie, I'm really sorry that I broke her heart, and that may be more than once. Cant pick up that courage to tell her everything that is happening. She had been such a good friend, always giving care and concern, always righteous but never failed to lift my spirits. Agape, real and true love that comes from the heart, is what I see from her. She had made me a better person, pushing me to do things I never thought I could, experiencing more things in life that are fulfilling and wonderful. Can never thank you more.
#08 - Mdm Chao & Mrs Poretti
Teachers from my secondary school, never knew how much values they have input in me. Haa.. Unhappiness striked me when I was in Sec 3, things turned pretty bad. If I'm not careful, I might not be able to study well and end up somewhere. These two teachers are the ones that are not just teachers, but more like friends. Especially Mdm Chao, who will pick me out and talk to me about my dad and my plans, showing concern about what I'm planning to do. ANd me, in return, will inform her if anything happens, like my 'A' Level results and stuff. And for Mrs Poretti, I see how strong a person can be to fight cancer illness. Been to her house to visit her when she was down with sickness. She still wears a smile and greeted me with the same cheerful tone like she did in school. So heartwarming it was and what a heartache that was to know she is sick. Life is tough enough for her, yet she wants to bring smiles to people. Remember during Chinese New Year few years ago, she gave me Hong Bao twice, think she forgot lar, somemore contains like 8 bucks. She is an australian yet she immersed herself in our Chinese culture. I love this 2 teachers. Gotta see them soon. Really thank them for teaching me to be who I am.
#07 - Mum and Mahjong
Not something I'm really proud of actually. But my mum and her addiction to Mahjong did shape me. Spent years sitting beside her to watch her play and at the same time learning it. When I was young, she would shoo me away if she was down with bad luck and wouldn't want me to disturb her. When I was in JC, she would actually talk to me about her wrong moves. Often, we would laugh about the tiles and the way the game was played. And now after NS, I am her disciple, to play when she is not free or when the bids are small. I learnt the game from her like that. But actually, i was made independent and more of an introvert because of this. She used to play everyday, so i would return home to see $6, half for lunch and half for dinner. I would spend my whole day at home, either doing things with the computer or doing my work. I learn to work on my own and be very disciplined. So i acutally can be patient with things and also enjoy the peacefulness of life when i'm alone.
#06 - SJAB
Was named Teletubbies because I was fat and when I did footdrill, I was bouncing up and down like one. That was Sec 2 when I finally give my sweat and blood to SJAB. I was then motivated by the ranks and positions, came week after week because of the friends i make there, and the useful First Aid I learn from there. I did not dread CCA at all during that time. Every week I do something new and when I got promoted and became a NCO, I acquire leadership position and is able to train myself to train people and pass on my knowledge. And it was SJAB that I went someone I like, and decided to lose my weight just for her. Losing over 10kg to look better wasn't an easy feat. I had to jog everyday and suffer by eating only an apple, a sweet and a little rice for the whole day. Never felt that hungry. I also learnt to speak up and express my views, to be more humorus and fun-loving, from the late Jun wei, a friend who I lost when I was in Sec 2.
Alright, I feel tired typing so much. Gotta rest. Complete this tomorrow.
#10 - CK Hong
Cant believe that this person is on the list. Traumatic 2 long years in army, I was accompanied by JN Puay, ZE Tan, YM Tan and JS Yeung whom I felt comfortable with throughout NS life. I would even call them long-term friends, to infinity and beyond if they are willing.. But this special one, I must make him my lifetime friend. Good thing i do not have any exterior sexual motive on him and totally uninterested in him, that I'm sure i will not fall for him at all. He brings laughter and drama into my life eversince i know him. He thinks fast, make decisions swiftly, is efficient and takes initiative. Other than that, he is my confidant and good friend. To him, most probably I'm someone who he can make use of to pass time when he is travelling or when he is bored. Somemore he is demanding and always have a motive for what he does but lesser than YK Khoo =P However, i am glad to fill in his empty spaces to accompany him through as a great companion and trustworthy friend. That faithful night, he managed to make me open up to accept who I truly is. If not.. I cant even think of if not..
#09 - Annie & CHC
Ya true, this is it. Although i stopped going for services and CGMs for quite some times, I still think about them, about her and about God. I still trust God in the things that He does and believe in what He can do. Anything is possible with God. Going to church was another place where I get to know more people like Xiao Mei, Ray, Leo and many others who are kind and friendly, people who I can relate to and feel comfortable talking to. But because CHC is strongly against who I am, I decided to back off a while, despite for what I feel about the people I know, the word of God and stuffs. Big sacrifice i Know. Living a triple life isn't easy, no one can know that more than me. However, it is CHC that helped me to learn more about God, things we can do to cope with problems, things we can do show our love and compassion with people around us, helping me, the emotionless one, to feel a bit more warmth. And Annie, I'm really sorry that I broke her heart, and that may be more than once. Cant pick up that courage to tell her everything that is happening. She had been such a good friend, always giving care and concern, always righteous but never failed to lift my spirits. Agape, real and true love that comes from the heart, is what I see from her. She had made me a better person, pushing me to do things I never thought I could, experiencing more things in life that are fulfilling and wonderful. Can never thank you more.
#08 - Mdm Chao & Mrs Poretti
Teachers from my secondary school, never knew how much values they have input in me. Haa.. Unhappiness striked me when I was in Sec 3, things turned pretty bad. If I'm not careful, I might not be able to study well and end up somewhere. These two teachers are the ones that are not just teachers, but more like friends. Especially Mdm Chao, who will pick me out and talk to me about my dad and my plans, showing concern about what I'm planning to do. ANd me, in return, will inform her if anything happens, like my 'A' Level results and stuff. And for Mrs Poretti, I see how strong a person can be to fight cancer illness. Been to her house to visit her when she was down with sickness. She still wears a smile and greeted me with the same cheerful tone like she did in school. So heartwarming it was and what a heartache that was to know she is sick. Life is tough enough for her, yet she wants to bring smiles to people. Remember during Chinese New Year few years ago, she gave me Hong Bao twice, think she forgot lar, somemore contains like 8 bucks. She is an australian yet she immersed herself in our Chinese culture. I love this 2 teachers. Gotta see them soon. Really thank them for teaching me to be who I am.
#07 - Mum and Mahjong
Not something I'm really proud of actually. But my mum and her addiction to Mahjong did shape me. Spent years sitting beside her to watch her play and at the same time learning it. When I was young, she would shoo me away if she was down with bad luck and wouldn't want me to disturb her. When I was in JC, she would actually talk to me about her wrong moves. Often, we would laugh about the tiles and the way the game was played. And now after NS, I am her disciple, to play when she is not free or when the bids are small. I learnt the game from her like that. But actually, i was made independent and more of an introvert because of this. She used to play everyday, so i would return home to see $6, half for lunch and half for dinner. I would spend my whole day at home, either doing things with the computer or doing my work. I learn to work on my own and be very disciplined. So i acutally can be patient with things and also enjoy the peacefulness of life when i'm alone.
#06 - SJAB
Was named Teletubbies because I was fat and when I did footdrill, I was bouncing up and down like one. That was Sec 2 when I finally give my sweat and blood to SJAB. I was then motivated by the ranks and positions, came week after week because of the friends i make there, and the useful First Aid I learn from there. I did not dread CCA at all during that time. Every week I do something new and when I got promoted and became a NCO, I acquire leadership position and is able to train myself to train people and pass on my knowledge. And it was SJAB that I went someone I like, and decided to lose my weight just for her. Losing over 10kg to look better wasn't an easy feat. I had to jog everyday and suffer by eating only an apple, a sweet and a little rice for the whole day. Never felt that hungry. I also learnt to speak up and express my views, to be more humorus and fun-loving, from the late Jun wei, a friend who I lost when I was in Sec 2.
Alright, I feel tired typing so much. Gotta rest. Complete this tomorrow.
Life - the things we thought we knew about
Many a time, we question about our hopes and dreams, whether they are unrealistic or achievable, gigantic or tiny. In search of the truth and answers to life, we often neglect the fundamentals and essential parts we already knew what truly satifies our mind, body and soul; what is it that really drives us, to have the passion for what we do, and what do we, as human beings really seek after?
No, I'm not trying to tell myself how I should make life interesting and exciting or how to go about managing my time wisely, living life to the fullest. This is because each of us is unique since the day we are born. Research has shown that in this entire world, there will be about 7 people who wlll look exactly the same. But we know, even if that is so, no one can ever be me! Therefore there is no 'one size fits all' theory or '101 ways to living a fulfilled life' guide to life. Question: Do we control our lives or are we controlled by our lives?
The true sadness of life is that it is not a CD player, that we can press pause when we feel like it, rewind when we do something wrong or forward to see what's going to happen before making the next move. Life also isn't a package that you can expect things to happen as they are supposed to be. A healthy person can die the next moment. A cancer patient may survive with a miracle. A businessman can lose everything overnight while a poor old man can strike lottery suddenly. No matter how life changes or how fate twists, there's a limit to what we can do. Does that mean that we are controlled by our lives?
Well, think life as a journey. Throughout this journey, be sure to expect splendid and exciting encounters that await. What are they? It doesn't really matter. A good thing will lift up one's spirits, bring in new hopes and perhaps, make an impact. A bad thing, however, is not something we can shun, but it is an experience, a lesson learnt and also time for reflection. Ever look yourself into the mirror and tell yourself how much you like yourself and how much you hate yourself? Try that, find out why good things have not happened to you or why you are always encountering bad things. There's no such thing as luck. One may feel lucky, but that is most probably a coincidence. We can work for what we want, do what we want, choose the friends we want, everything we seem to be able to make a choice up to our individuals' abilities. So to a certain extent, we do make a difference to the life we are living now.
What life may seem, uncertain and unpredictable. The only way is for me to embrace what life offers bravely and wait patiently too. Do not ever let missed opportunites and unwanted regrets happen. Don't lose faith in whatever you believe in. Make necessary changes that are good. Nothing beats believing in yourself and only yourself. Cheers to life. Treasure and behold.
No, I'm not trying to tell myself how I should make life interesting and exciting or how to go about managing my time wisely, living life to the fullest. This is because each of us is unique since the day we are born. Research has shown that in this entire world, there will be about 7 people who wlll look exactly the same. But we know, even if that is so, no one can ever be me! Therefore there is no 'one size fits all' theory or '101 ways to living a fulfilled life' guide to life. Question: Do we control our lives or are we controlled by our lives?
The true sadness of life is that it is not a CD player, that we can press pause when we feel like it, rewind when we do something wrong or forward to see what's going to happen before making the next move. Life also isn't a package that you can expect things to happen as they are supposed to be. A healthy person can die the next moment. A cancer patient may survive with a miracle. A businessman can lose everything overnight while a poor old man can strike lottery suddenly. No matter how life changes or how fate twists, there's a limit to what we can do. Does that mean that we are controlled by our lives?
Well, think life as a journey. Throughout this journey, be sure to expect splendid and exciting encounters that await. What are they? It doesn't really matter. A good thing will lift up one's spirits, bring in new hopes and perhaps, make an impact. A bad thing, however, is not something we can shun, but it is an experience, a lesson learnt and also time for reflection. Ever look yourself into the mirror and tell yourself how much you like yourself and how much you hate yourself? Try that, find out why good things have not happened to you or why you are always encountering bad things. There's no such thing as luck. One may feel lucky, but that is most probably a coincidence. We can work for what we want, do what we want, choose the friends we want, everything we seem to be able to make a choice up to our individuals' abilities. So to a certain extent, we do make a difference to the life we are living now.
What life may seem, uncertain and unpredictable. The only way is for me to embrace what life offers bravely and wait patiently too. Do not ever let missed opportunites and unwanted regrets happen. Don't lose faith in whatever you believe in. Make necessary changes that are good. Nothing beats believing in yourself and only yourself. Cheers to life. Treasure and behold.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
After Life
Here goes, a new blog about the life of Jasper. Not so interesting, not very exciting, yet records what I feel about things happening around me. Watch Out!
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