Well, finally i have the time and my hands are itchy to type once again. Having finished my first lab report and my first english assignment, i deem fit to take a good break from more breaks. Haa, it's down to the flooding tutorials that are drowning me. Imagine Statistics like a small wave, Chemistry like a bigger one and Maths like a tidal wave, a tsunami! But i have no choice but to step into the waters, for studies sake. I never say i don't like what i do, but just that it is the first time that i cant understand something even when i try to.
Anyway life has been great, that is why i wear a smile, i don't mean wear but i say wear, outside. Back at home, i love those hermit crab moments, so comfortable, so laid back. I enjoy friends' company too, just that it's the unusual side of me. Went back to church, find that she is very glad to see me back again, just feel that she is like god, who hasn't left me, even if i fall out of grace, even when i am outside the door, or even when i do something wrong, oblivious of his presence. My heart is guilty but my conscience is clear. So here i am, not trying to say much cos that is not important. What is important is to do what is said.
I kinda miss a lot of things, friends and moments. Oh yeah, my top 10 worthy CK is one of them, it is really weird that friends are leaving you one by one to far far away.. Now that the next one is Zhi En, i wonder who in the together 4eva besties are left.. One in Singapore, the other in aussie, one in China, the other in UK. International wor. I miss teaching too, back at woodgrove, miss my kids. Life is imperfect, when we gain some we lose some. When we lose some, we gain some. Realise that converse and statement are both true. I definitely hope that i am gaining more than i lose.
Live life to the fullest. 'Not anymore' is a very scary phrase. =] smile.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Bring me back..
Whoever that happen to be reading this, share with me some light.
Sometimes i just want to move back in time for many things. Things that I've accidentally missed. Things that I've purposely missed and regret. Things that I forgot to miss.
Why? I realise that as we grow up, to become a man, strong and tall, ironically also becoming an old man with a bent back. It is due to the burdens and responsibilties that come with it. I know that I'm mature for my age, but i don't want too, I want to feel childish and be the boy. I am forced to grow fast. Apparently this can't happen, but the life cycle comes.. You grow up through education, then having a career, hopefully get yourself married and take care of your parents. Where is there ever space for you to feel young. Nothing but workload.
Perhaps this is one of the nights i feel pessimistic about life. Doesn't seems to be exciting and that attractive after all.. I would rather stop growing at the age of 19, that i can be so oblivious to many things. I don't have monetary pressures, I can be a hermit crab and enjoy being on my own. I miss those times.
Still don't know how am I going to commit myself to university life yet. Should i do a 50/50 or a 100% and have no life? I need time to think about it. Where is the Mr handle-it-all guy? Now it has come down to this.. Where's the drive and passion? I need to search for it. Time waits for no one, including me.
Sometimes i just want to move back in time for many things. Things that I've accidentally missed. Things that I've purposely missed and regret. Things that I forgot to miss.
Why? I realise that as we grow up, to become a man, strong and tall, ironically also becoming an old man with a bent back. It is due to the burdens and responsibilties that come with it. I know that I'm mature for my age, but i don't want too, I want to feel childish and be the boy. I am forced to grow fast. Apparently this can't happen, but the life cycle comes.. You grow up through education, then having a career, hopefully get yourself married and take care of your parents. Where is there ever space for you to feel young. Nothing but workload.
Perhaps this is one of the nights i feel pessimistic about life. Doesn't seems to be exciting and that attractive after all.. I would rather stop growing at the age of 19, that i can be so oblivious to many things. I don't have monetary pressures, I can be a hermit crab and enjoy being on my own. I miss those times.
Still don't know how am I going to commit myself to university life yet. Should i do a 50/50 or a 100% and have no life? I need time to think about it. Where is the Mr handle-it-all guy? Now it has come down to this.. Where's the drive and passion? I need to search for it. Time waits for no one, including me.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Reflect
Didn't think of a way to name this entry, guess that reflection would be fine and someone just gave me this idea. There was tons of things in my mind when i was in the shower just now, basically could be because i have not been using it for quite some time, causing this sort of trauma.
If someone had noticed, i've been stoneing and when asked what am i thinking, i can't even say a word. My thoughts haven't been organised. However, i could feel that it's a sense of depression and anxiety that i might not be able to contain. First part contributing to this probably would be laziness. I can't get out of my comfort zone, being stuck there at the corner, refusing to budge. At least i know this point about myself, there's so much things i need to do but i haven't set my mind on them yet, and could only put them in my mouth and that's it. And all these are just because of me, unwilling to deal with them yet..
1. I need to get rid of the previous phone number. To my horror, that line hasn't been cancelled yet and it's not under my name. My handphone has never been under my own name.. Can't wait to change to Singtel, another like 1.25 years to go.. Back to the topic. I need to pass this bill to the person and ask him/her to cancel the line. Also, i need to develop the photos i've taken in HK/TP and pass the negatives/CDrom over with the currencies and 2 waterbottles. Been thinking about this everyday.
2. My wardrobe, need to be rearranged and those that need to be removed ought to be given away. Cant stand the sight of it now. That includes ironing and pressing all my clothes and i'm starting work next week and schooling in weeks, all the more it has to be neat to prepare myself.
3. Plan my work. Although school hasn't started, nothing much has been done, i have been under much pressure, basically because i am expecting alot from myself, something like dementors do, make you feel you can never be happy again once you think of it. Need to bid for courses, then independent learning, must be able to socialise and make connections, managing time and resources and to be a great teacher in years to come. Where the heck did this burden come from? Beats me. Need to plan my timetable and modules list too. And USP and SPS... dotx.. Just don't wish to miss out anything in these precious studies years.
4. My dear. Constant fear of mine. That this happiness is part of me, that this person will be someone to support me and push me when i'm weary, someone who respects me and consume all my nonsensical actions and words. Afraid that this bubble might burst. Sounds stupid but it is just that this blissfulness set in so quickly that i wonder if it would just go away as quick. Trust me, i have faith in this relationship, just that little lacking in security. So someone can feel that i need hugs more recently right? Love You.
5. Emptiness.. I feel weak because i don't feel that i've accomplished much and there isn't much that i can be proud of myself. Probably it's just a mist, that i can walk out of it when school starts.
This should be it, maybe i need to exercise more and manage my finance and thats all.
When life is tough, the tough goes shopping~!
My glass is fixed and it's going to be half full and since it's half full, why not fill it to the brim?
If someone had noticed, i've been stoneing and when asked what am i thinking, i can't even say a word. My thoughts haven't been organised. However, i could feel that it's a sense of depression and anxiety that i might not be able to contain. First part contributing to this probably would be laziness. I can't get out of my comfort zone, being stuck there at the corner, refusing to budge. At least i know this point about myself, there's so much things i need to do but i haven't set my mind on them yet, and could only put them in my mouth and that's it. And all these are just because of me, unwilling to deal with them yet..
1. I need to get rid of the previous phone number. To my horror, that line hasn't been cancelled yet and it's not under my name. My handphone has never been under my own name.. Can't wait to change to Singtel, another like 1.25 years to go.. Back to the topic. I need to pass this bill to the person and ask him/her to cancel the line. Also, i need to develop the photos i've taken in HK/TP and pass the negatives/CDrom over with the currencies and 2 waterbottles. Been thinking about this everyday.
2. My wardrobe, need to be rearranged and those that need to be removed ought to be given away. Cant stand the sight of it now. That includes ironing and pressing all my clothes and i'm starting work next week and schooling in weeks, all the more it has to be neat to prepare myself.
3. Plan my work. Although school hasn't started, nothing much has been done, i have been under much pressure, basically because i am expecting alot from myself, something like dementors do, make you feel you can never be happy again once you think of it. Need to bid for courses, then independent learning, must be able to socialise and make connections, managing time and resources and to be a great teacher in years to come. Where the heck did this burden come from? Beats me. Need to plan my timetable and modules list too. And USP and SPS... dotx.. Just don't wish to miss out anything in these precious studies years.
4. My dear. Constant fear of mine. That this happiness is part of me, that this person will be someone to support me and push me when i'm weary, someone who respects me and consume all my nonsensical actions and words. Afraid that this bubble might burst. Sounds stupid but it is just that this blissfulness set in so quickly that i wonder if it would just go away as quick. Trust me, i have faith in this relationship, just that little lacking in security. So someone can feel that i need hugs more recently right? Love You.
5. Emptiness.. I feel weak because i don't feel that i've accomplished much and there isn't much that i can be proud of myself. Probably it's just a mist, that i can walk out of it when school starts.
This should be it, maybe i need to exercise more and manage my finance and thats all.
When life is tough, the tough goes shopping~!
My glass is fixed and it's going to be half full and since it's half full, why not fill it to the brim?
Friday, June 22, 2007
Pirate's Creed
I have nothing to offer,
but a true heart,
to stay ever faithful and sincere.
Never will i do anything against your will,
or make you do anything against your will.
I will stay by your side
In front or behind you,
to hold and support you when you need me.
I will not do anything behind your back,
To be truthful and clear to you.
I give you my heart,
not asking for anything.
But that you will treasure it
and never let me down.
I'll be loyal and your faithful hubby
Truth,
Pirate
but a true heart,
to stay ever faithful and sincere.
Never will i do anything against your will,
or make you do anything against your will.
I will stay by your side
In front or behind you,
to hold and support you when you need me.
I will not do anything behind your back,
To be truthful and clear to you.
I give you my heart,
not asking for anything.
But that you will treasure it
and never let me down.
I'll be loyal and your faithful hubby
Truth,
Pirate
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Same Life, Different Living
真的要开始了自己 这场孤单的旅行
走在同样的生活里 过不一样的生命
A human only lives once
Just one life.
Ups or downs
Long or short
Just this once.
Living once again
To be renewed and refreshed
Is done through the mind
One can start a new way of living
Although still the same life
Yet of great difference.
Treasure what you have
Give thanks for you received
For anything in life
Happens just once.
走在同样的生活里 过不一样的生命
A human only lives once
Just one life.
Ups or downs
Long or short
Just this once.
Living once again
To be renewed and refreshed
Is done through the mind
One can start a new way of living
Although still the same life
Yet of great difference.
Treasure what you have
Give thanks for you received
For anything in life
Happens just once.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Pirate's Worries
The pirate was actually quite disturbed when he saw some of his friends the other day. They were wondering what's wrong with the pirate, that he is no longer who he used to be or who they used to know and why this person is doing things that feels so wrong to them. The pirate cant help to think what might actually happen if one day all his friends start pointing their fingers at him too.. Why go onto a journey?
Even recently explorer met up with a little bit of problem. No it doesn't really change anything. The pirate hasn't regretted anything that he has done, truly believe in the future.
Shld any storm comes, pirate might not know how to react, but if the explorer is there, and since there's a map, nothing should actually go wrong, right?
Even recently explorer met up with a little bit of problem. No it doesn't really change anything. The pirate hasn't regretted anything that he has done, truly believe in the future.
Shld any storm comes, pirate might not know how to react, but if the explorer is there, and since there's a map, nothing should actually go wrong, right?
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